Special Help for Special Needs

#125 No More Second Guessing

A couple of years ago my wife and I had our gall bladders removed.  The doctors assured us that this would solve our problems and that our bodies did not really need the gall bladder.  Since that time, we have had little relief and we now consider some of the things we were told to be nonsensical.  We both look back on those surgeries and wish we could undue what was done.   

You may feel this way about the therapy or medical procedures that have taken place with your child. You may feel like you wasted your time and money.  You may even feel like you were deceived and wish you could take it all back and start from scratch.

The problem is...you can’t.  Reflection on the past is fine, but thoughts that start with “if only I would have...” only leads to self doubt and results in hesitancy for future decisions.  Even though you may regret the choices of the past, you are now wiser because of those choices and you must dedicate yourself to not making that mistake again.

No more second guessing.  You are the leader when it comes to your child and leaders have to get comfortable with making hard decisions.  Sometimes you will make the wrong call, but much of the time you will make the right call.  The more you do it, the more experience you gain.  As you gain more experience you will become wiser.  Wisdom and experience usually result in great decisions and great outcomes.

Please share this post with any parents that are struggling with the tough decisions that must be made in raising a child with special needs.  You can receive more posts like this by ‘liking’ this page or using your RSS reader to subscribe to Special Help for Special Needs.

 

#224 Go to the balcony

In high level negotiations, the stress and (apparent) urgency of the moment often results in poor decision making.  If you have ever taken a course in negotiation, you might have heard about “Going to the balcony”.  This is the idea of mentally separating yourself from the situation and, in your mind’s eye, look down on the situation as if you were watching the events unfold as in a play.  This mental distance allows you to step back from the intensity of the moment to see how the situation fits with the “big picture”.

The same principle is often applicable when working with children, particularly with children that have special needs.  Even if the child isn’t pushing you to your limits, you may find find your self needing to go to the balcony in situations related to your child.  THis may include IEP meetings, dealing with extending family and how they interact with your child, doctor visits, therapy, and other family stress related to your child.   

Recognizing that you need to “go to the balcony” is an important first step.  It may be a good idea to plan on physically leaving the room in any stressful situation so you can go to the balcony before making any big decisions.  Children with special needs are especially dependent upon their parents to make good decisions.  One of the best strategies you can employ immediately is to “go to the balcony”.

If you are a parent of a child with special needs and you find yourself needing to go to the balcony from time to time, please “like” this page or subscribe to Special Help for Special Needs using your RSS reader.  If you know of a family that might benefit from perspective and suggestions for helping these children then share this post with them.

 

#222 Remarkably Good Service

On Sunday I who about a man I saw giving remarkably bad service that came from apparent indifference.  Yesterday, the opposite happened.  I received remarkably good service-the essence of caring.  

I was shopping for new home owners insurance.  When I called to get my third quote, the man answered the phone like he had been anxiously awaiting my call.  The agent that answer the phone asked me all the same questions as the other places I called, but his demeanor on the phone made me think that helping me was the most important thing he was going to do all day.  After he did some research, he called me back with he information I needed.  While his quote was not the lowest, he personal concern and attitude toward helping me made me want to work with him above all others.

What sort of impression do you get from the people who work with your child and your family.  Do you seem to be a priority to that person?  Do they seem to go out of their way to serve you and your child?  

Even if it costs you more, work with the person or company that truly cares about serving you.  Ultimately, the better service will probably result in faster progress for your child, greater satisfaction from you, and you will have gotten more value from the money you have spent.  

To receive more perspective and insight on working with children that have special needs, “like” this page or use your RSS reader to subscribe to Special Help for Special Needs.

 

#221 Serving is Caring

Today my little girl and I got to spend some quality time with the folks at the Pediatric Urgent Care.  No big deal, she just had a little blunt force trauma to the head.  She is alright.  It looked and sounded worse that it was.

While dawdling in the waiting room, I watched the clerk that was checking people in.  He clearly did not know what he was doing.  I know this because he had to turn around and ask somebody else a question before every mouse click.  The most interesting thing about this clerk was watching how he managed to interact with scared and sick children, and parents that were on edge.  He appeared to be the only one in the building that was completely indifferent to everything going on around him.

Maybe I’m wrong, Maybe he was passionate about his work and was genuinely concerned about the children and families that came through.  If so, he was doing a masterful job of disguising his feeling with his irritated facial expressions, his monotone voice inflection, the blank eye gaze, and the flippant manner he used to toss a clipboard at a mother.  The icing on the cake was the enormous full-body stretch he performed in his chair while conversing with the mother of an infant.  Wow!  All I could think was that this guy was a total loser and the hospital needed to set him free to find a vocation that was more suited to his unbecoming demeanor.

I share this story because it reminds me that serving others is about caring.  The clerk was taking information from people and handing out forms but he was not serving.  Serving involves caring.  Those with the most tedious and low-level positions can make or break an experience with a customer, client, or family by caring.  Care about the quality of your work, care about how you make others feel, care about how you are perceived, care about brightening someone’s day or lightening someone’s load.  Serving is based on caring.  

If you are a teacher, a therapist, a doctor, a nurse, or the clerk at a pediatric urgent care, you will do yourself and everyone else a favor if you start caring more, because true service starts with caring.

Please share this with friends, families, professionals, and clerks that work with children and their families.  You can receive regular perspective, insight, and suggestions for working with children with special needs by “liking” this page or use your RSS reader to subscribe to Special Help for Special Needs.

 

#220 Is Your Child "Normal" or "Weird"?

Schools are set up to deliver to the masses.  It is assembly line education, and often assembly line therapy.  Many hospitals are set up the same way.  Both places are set up to deal with hundreds of people, resulting in a one-size-fits-all approach to therapy and education.   This works great if you are “normal”.

But if you are weird, the system (often) doesn’t know what to do with you.  Anyone who is not normal is “weird”.  Kids that have very high IQs are weird.  Kids with complicated sensory integration issues are weird.  Parents that don’t agree with the school’s plan for education or therapy are weird.  

The school system is okay for most children and families, but if you are weird, be prepared to rock the boat.  The system was not made for you.  Often it takes years of wrestling with a school system to develop a plan that works to help a child achieve their potential.  If you don’t have years to spend and your child is “weird” then you need to avoid the “normal” therapists and find the therapist that is weirdly skilled at helping kids with special needs.

Does your child and family fit in with the masses, or are you weird?

Please share this with any of your friends that might be a little weird.  To receive regular posts that have perspective, insight and suggestions for children with special needs,  ‘like’ this page or use your RSS reader to subscribe to Special Help for Special Needs.

 

#219 "...but I don't have any good ideas."

I hear people say all the time that they don’t have any good ideas when it comes to helping their child.  They also say the same things when it comes to writing a blog, cooking food, buying valentines day presents, or being innovative at work.  The problem is not a lack of good ideas, it is a lack of any idea.   

People get in the habit of censoring their ideas and if the idea doesn’t pass the awesome test, then it is not allowed out of the mind.  The way to generate good ideas (and the occasional great idea) is to generate a lot of bad ideas.  If you set a timer for 10 minutes and commit yourself to writing down as many bad ideas as you can, you can’t help but come up with a few ideas that are worth pursing.

You need ideas to help your children progress- Ideas on how to help them succeed at home, in school, with friends, and how they could help themselves.  Therapists and teachers are paid to come up with ideas, but nobody has cornered the market on brilliant ideas.  You know your child in ways that a therapist or teacher never will.  Your ideas bring fresh perspective to challenging situations, so stop complaining about not having any good ideas and start throwing out some bad ideas.

Bad ideas almost always come before good ideas. 

Please share this post with anyone who wants to help their child, but doesn’t know how.  You can receive more encouragement, insight, and suggestions on helping children with special needs by ‘liking’ this page or use your RSS reader to subscribe to Special Help for Special Needs.

 

#218 Have you had a Snuggie idea lately?

I think the Snuggie is ridiculous.  It is a blanket with sleeves that has become remarkably trendy.  The Snuggie idea went viral and has become a blockbuster.  You can even get designer snuggies now.  

Often, the most fun and engaging things you can do with your kids will be like the Snuggie.  You start playing a game you got at the dollar store or one that you made up.  You might have thought the game was a silly waste of time, or just a stupid thing that the kids may like but certainly not a grown adult.  You may also think the activity has no educational or therapeutic value, but there is a good chance that your kids will love it.  Because they love it so much they will do almost anything to play the silly game.  That is where your opportunities lies to include partice on therapy activities or their academics

Unfortunately, not every idea is Snuggie caliber.  Some ideas really are just stupid.  In order to find the occasional activity that is a home run, you have to try a lot of stuff with your kids and keep what works.  If it has been a while since you had any brilliant ideas, you should purposely start throwing out ideas that you think are stupid.  You never know when something like the Snuggie idea will catch on and your kids will beg to play that that game with you for years to come.

Please pass this post on to anyone that lives or works with a child with special needs.  You can receive regular posts with suggestions and insight for those who live and work with children that have special needs by subscribing to Special Help for Special Needs or “like” our Facebook page.

 

#217 Story Cubes- A Language Goldmine

I have run across a new favorite therapy game that your kids will love.  Rory's story cubes is a collection of 9 dice full of pictures.  I use it in therapy to draw out conversation with kids from 2nd grade through high school.  

There are almost infinate ways to use the dice.  You can give them all to one person and let them tell you a story based on the pictures that come up.  You could distribute the dice and let each person add to the story.  

Last night my family played during dinner.  Each person rolled one dice and I asked them a question that related to the their picture.  On my wife's turn, her picture was a magnet.  I asked her what she wished she could permenantly magnetize.  My daughter had to answer the question, "What would you say if you could talk with the president?  I was asked about jumping out of airplanes.  

This could also be a great prompt for creative writing.  

Most therapy games and tools are very expensive, but this is not a therapy toy (per say).  It is less than $7.00 at amazon, so you can't go wrong.  

What games do your kids love?  If you have found some that your kids love and promote speech or langauge skills, or motor development, repond to this post  with the nane of the toy or game.  Please pass this along to any parent that is looking for fun games that also promote creative thinking, thougt organization, as well as expressive and receptive language skills.

 

#216 It is an Honor to Help

If we ever meet at a party and you ask me about some concerns you have with your child, I will be happy to talk with you.  In fact I would find it to be an honor.   

It is a privilege to serve families, and watch great things happen with the kids.  It is a blessing to me to watch hope and excitement come to parents who have become calloused by disappointment, frustration and confusion.  These feeling are often magnified when the person who is suppose to help them seems indifferent, too busy to care, or not fully engaged. 

If you don’t see hope and excitement come into the eyes of a therapist, a teacher, or a doctor when they talk with you about helping your child, it may be time to look for some new help.  If they don’t have these feelings welling up inside themselves when they have opportunity to help, how can they possibly stir-up momentum, hope, relief, and excitement in others.

Please subscribe to Special Help for Special Needs using your RSS reader and ‘like’ this page.  Better yet, share these posts with the parents, friends, and teachers of children that have special needs.

 

#215 A Plan To Go From Socially Awkward To Socially Competent

Yesterday, I wrote a post, describing how the root of most social awkwardness is tied to a person’s assertiveness and responsiveness in communication.  Below is a 3-step plan for improving a child’s social interaction skills by rebalancing assertiveness with responsiveness.

The first step in helping children become socially competent is determining how their communication is out of balance.  Are they overly assertive? Are they appropriately responsive?  They must be trained to recognize the cues (verbal and nonverbal) from others.  A Speech-Language Pathologist that specializes in children can help with this.

The second step is to make a plan.  If the child is overly assertive, he must be trained to give others an opportunity to respond to his assertive acts.  If the child is perceived as unresponsive or passive to the assertive acts of others, he needs training and opportunities to ask questions, give comments, or make requests of others.  While some therapy with a speech pathologist may be required, you must also know be very familiar with the plan because you will be the primary one supporting your child as they develop new social skills.

Step three is practice.  There is no substitute for practice.  The child should start attending every social event possible with the intention of talking with people.  They don’t need to interact with others for a long period of time at the beginning, but they need to start getting comfortable with using different ways of interacting.  As they begin using their new skills they will need a lot of encouragement and reinforcement because changing their social behavior will feel uncomfortable for a little while. 

Some people are naturally gifted at social interaction.  However, if a child has struggled with this in the past, parents and teachers may be comforted to know that social interaction is a skill.  Because it is a skill, it can be improved through a plan to rebalance their level of assertiveness and responsiveness in communication.

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