Special Help for Special Needs

#210 Training Fleas

I have recently learned that if you place fleas in a jar with a lid, they will jump and slam themselves into the lid.  After a very short period of time, they adjust how high they jump to avoid hitting the lid.  After they have changed the height of their jump, you can take off the lid, and they fleas will not escape because they have trained themselves to avoid jumping high enough to hit the lid.

People are often a lot like fleas.  They have convinced themselves that they cannot accomplish things that they are actually capable of doing.  Children and young adults become sure that there are many things that they cannot do because they have been told so many times that can’t.  Parents delude their minds by convincing themselves that they could never be great at home schooling.  Teacher’s set themselves up for failure because they tell themselves that a child just will not work for them, or they say things (in their mind) like “that parent hates me and we will never get along.” 

Everyone is capable of becoming more than they currently are and they can do more than they currently do.  Achievement is largely in the mind.  Don’t allow yourself to be convinced that you will never escape from the jar.  You must keep trying, even though you may feel like you are just banging your head against the lid.  Once the lid is removed you will discover new achievement and freedom because of your tireless efforts to achieve success.

 

#209 Encouragement from a Plumber

Yesterday, my Saturday was saved by a very generous plumber.  About 10:00 am, after finishing my coffee and watching cartoons with my girls, I wander to the bathroom for a shower and find that the house has no hot water.   

For a while I was feeling rather autistic, because I was having a lot of trouble dealing with the change in my plans.  Even though I figured it would be insanely expensive, I started calling plumbers to see who would come to my house on a Saturday to fix my hot water.  

After getting one answering machine, and another company saying that they didn’t service my zip code, I came across a friendly plumber who gave me a few trouble-shooting tips.  He said that if his suggestions didn’t work, that he would come over because he only lived a few miles away from me.  

This man was one of the highlights of my Saturday.  First, because his suggestion worked and I had hot water within 30 minutes.  Second, he was willing to help me out, before I even told him where I lived.  Third, he was willing to give up a portion of his saturday to help me out (It sounded like he was at home).

This plumber and I are in completely different businesses, but he has encouraged me in my work with his selfless attitude, his willingness to share his expertise, and is generosity with his time.

I bet you know who I’m calling the next time I need a plumber.

 

#208 Teach Your Child To Set Their Own Goals

Michael Phelps did not win 14 gold medals by accident.  

 He set a goal. He worked hard everyday.  He achieved his goal.

Do your kids know how to set and achieve goals?  I never thought very much about about goal achievement until I was nearly out of college.  Until that time, I wandered from project to project with a lack of focus, lack of drive, and lack of achieving much of anything great.  

When I started spending time with some folks that were super-achievers, I started picking up on their habits and one of those habits was regularly setting goals and going about achieving them.  Since I started goal setting I have become a goal junkie.   

It did not come easily at first because I was striving for unrealistic achievement, or I choose goals that I decided I didn’t care about after 2 days.  However, the more I did it the better I got at setting goals and breaking those goals into bite size chunks that could be tackled on a daily basis.  

Does your child have any goals.  If they are in middle school or Jr. High, it is time to have this conversation.  You might need to help them come up with a list of possible goals and let them narrow down what they want to spend their time and energy on.  Help them set some short, medium, and long term goals.  They may need help making the goals measurable so that they know when it is achieved.  Lastly put a due date on the goals.  Goals that continue perpetually don’t get achieved.

Most people are not goal oriented.  The people that do become goal oriented, usually don’t think about these sorts of things until they are well into adulthood.  Give your child a head start by  teaching them about goals right now.

One more thing-  Children will be influenced far more by what you do than by what you say.  If you want your child to be goal-oriented and achieve remarkable things, you must set the example by developing your own goals and working daily to achieve them.

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#207 Are You Prepared for the IEP Meeting?

If a child has an individualized Education Plan (IEP) then you should be having an annual meeting with the rest of the people working to help your child at the school.  During this meeting many important decisions are made such as what services the school will provide to the child, what goals will be worked on, and how often they will be addressed.   

The school views these meetings as a big deal.  They often go to through detailed steps to make sure the meetings go just right.  Often, about four weeks before an IEP meeting is due, administrative folks contact everyone at the school on the IEP team asking for a summary of your child’s performance, and recommendations for going forward.  A draft of the IEP will be written and reviewed by the team members.  Many schools have a staff meeting 7-10 days before the IEP meeting to “get their ducks in a row” well before the day of the meeting.  When the day of the meeting finally arrives, the school is prepared.  Are you?

• What do you normally do to prepare for IEP meetings?
• Do you know who is going to be there?
• When an IEP meeting is scheduled, do you ensure you have enough time to prepare and that you are available on the day that has been proposed?
• Have you done any of your own data collection?
• Have  you asked to see a draft copy of the IEP so you can speak intelligently regarding the information it contains?
• Do you have concerns that you would like to have noted in the IEP?  Have you written them down?
• Have you considered what you would like to see your child working on as a part of the IEP?
• On the day of the meeting, have you arranged your schedule to get there before it is scheduled to start?
• What are your questions for the rest of the team?

The IEP is developed by a team.  You are on the team.  That means you need to be a team player and contribute.  For the sake of your child’s success, prepare for IEP meetings and treat the meeting as a time to collaborate with a concerned group of professionals that wants to help your child excel.

 

#206 The Resistance

The hardest thing about helping your child succeed is not actually helping  your child.  It is stopping all the other stuff that going on and giving you full attention to helping your child. 

Most parents don’t say, “I have no intention of helping my child work on this skill.”  Instead they say “I am going to help him master that skill...tomorrow.”  Steven Pressfield, author of Do the Work, explains that this is called “the resistance.”  If you ever want to do something good, something noble, something to help others, educate yourself, get in shape, volunteer at a soup kitchen, write your child’s teacher an encouraging note, or even just get out of bed on a cold, rainy day, then you have met the resistance.

The resistance only pushes in one direction.  If you are a missionary in Africa and you are contemplating returning to the states to take a cushy, nine to five job, with a fat salary, you will not meet with the resistance.  However, when you come home from work, and still need to do something for dinner, and your son got a “red light” in class today, and you have this nagging thought going through your mind that you need to go over spelling words and call your sick friend who needs some encouragement, that is when you meet the resistance.

The funny thing is, is that once you actually start, it’s not that bad.  Yes, resistance will try to distract you once you have started, but starting is the hardest part.  Once you start, the rest is down hill.

Many of the parents that I know who have children with special needs encounter daily resistance that would stifle the untrained and undisciplined individual.  But because they have trained themselves to push through the resistance, their children are making remarkable progress.

Today, recognize the resistance when you encounter it.  Push through because starting is the hardest part.  Tomorrow, repeat.

 

#205 Repeat Your Activities

Children do not grow quickly bored with the same activities.  Familiarity with activities breeds confidence and security.  During familiar activities, the children know what is expected of them and they know how to win. By repeating games frequently, they will learn the answers, they learn the routine, and learn different ways to play the game.   

Adults are usually the ones that quickly become bored and abandon activities after 1 or 2 attempts.  The first few times a child participates in something new they may act like they are bored or dislike the activity.  That is to be expected because they have not had enough opportunity to learn how to play the game, or what to say, or how to act.  As a result, it is uncomfortable and it will stay that way until they have a chance to master the game.  (By the way, when working with young children, nearly all therapy needs to feel like a game).

Are you introducing an activity and then keeping them from learning how to be successful with that activity?  Don’t hesitate to try an activity at least 10 times.  Repetition is key to learning, so give them the opportunities they need. 

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#204 Amateur or Professional?

The difference between a professional and an amateur is how seriously they regard their task.  An amateur says I’ll do it when I have time, the professional says I will get it done because it’s my job.  An amateur does the task because it is fun or satisfying.  While the professional may enjoy the task, he does it because that is what he is paid to do.  The amateur usually is winging it.  The professional is prepared.  The amateur is a weekend warrior, the professional is there seven days a week. 

Two questions for you:

• Are you going about helping your child like an amateur or a professional?
• The people that are paid to help your child achieve their potential, are they more of an amateur or a professional?

Being a professional is a mindset.  If, upon reflection, your current mindset appears to align with the amateur, then you must change for the sake of your child.  If your mindset aligns with the professional...then keep it up.  If you are paying amateurs to help your you and your child succeed, then do your self a favor- fire them and find a professional.

 

#203 Social Interaction Videos

Many children have difficulty with social situations.  These same children often enjoy TV programs and will reenact their favorite scenes from the shows they watch.  Consider using their interest in TV to your advantage by making your own movies for your child.  Strategically consider what would what you would like your child to say and how they will act, their body language and tone of voice.  Then recruit your child’s favorite people as actors and  let them rehearse.  You can develop and write a script for 5-10 scenarios very quickly.  You could have a video of someone introducing themselves, ordering lunch at a restaurant, checking out books at the library, or telling the teacher they feel sick. 

After a little practice, video the different scenarios.  They don’t need to be hollywood quality.  Your child will probably love watching the videos just because it stars their favorite people.  It is likely that your child will quickly memorize every aspect of the movies you have made and act them out by themselves and with others. Load them on your phone, iPad, or make a DVD so they can watch the videos frequently.

This is a fast way to develop “daily-living” scripts for children that struggle with social interaction.

How are you promoting social skills at your house/school?

 

#202 Specific Skill Training

Many speech and language skills are taught using generic methods in order to facilitate carryover of skills across different settings.  However, some of the more nuanced aspects of communication may need to be given extra attention.  Here are some of the more common communication skills that often need to be specifically taught:

• Interpreting facial expression
• Greeting appropriately
• Refusing politely
• Requesting assistance
• Evaluating tone of voice
• Appropriate loudness in different settings
• eye-contact (not too much, not too little)
• Using inflection
• When touching others may be appropriate
• How to tell jokes
• Joking with others without becoming wildly inappropriate

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#201 Who Influences Your Child?

As parents we give special attention to our child’s friends.  We realize that the people they hang out with will have a significant influence on their speech, their behavior, and their attitudes.   

When do we stop being influenced by our friends?

• When a person turns 16?  No way!
• On a person’s 21st birthday?  Nope.  We are greatly influenced by others during our 20’s.
• How about when you are 35?  People in their thirties are just waking up to the fact that they don’t have all the answers.
• When a person is 60?  No.No.No.  The point is that we are influenced by the people we spend our time with, no matter our age.  

If we are mindful of our children’s friends because we care about how they may be influenced, then we also should give careful attention to our own friends.

If you are around people with negative attitudes, you will be in danger of developing a poor attitude.  If you are around gossips, you will likely become a gossiper.  If you around people who are lazy, you will probably become a sluggard.  However, if you set about surrounding yourself with patient parents, you will become more patient.  If you seek out creative people, you will become more creative.  When you hang out with people who are passionate advocates, you will begin to feel the urge to advocate.

Part of being a remarkable parent is purposefully surrounding yourself with remarkable people so they will influence you to be a better spouse, parent, friend, and advocate.

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